A Strange World




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HE

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-He- As He writes, His mind wonders all the time, If He’s having an out of body experience that never ends. With no idea of where he begins or ends His decisions, His thoughts, feelings and connections – No way of telling if they are truly His. The voice inside, always whispering, pushing, deciding and driving Him. Never able to resist the call even with all His might. Could it be His conscience? His soul? Or the voice of an outside entity? God? The Devil? Or is He just losing His mind? He’s always felt different, never felt like He fits in anywhere. No one’s ever understood Him, not even Himself, there’s nothing for Him here. Feeling He was born of hate, His thoughts linger, always dark and scary could this be His fate? Looking in the mirror He could never see His reflection, all He sees are shadows, never His face. And so He wonders if He can be saved or is it just too late? Talking to Himself with a voice so lazy. Maybe He is just crazy, Maybe ...
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Constant

Constant I am, I am the dream you do not wake from The home for forgotten souls The fertile ground beneath your toes The promise of stolen tomorrows The sorrowful chorus bleeding through cracked walls The father of fear, through me you've all shed a tear I am, I am the giver of freedom I seek not to enslave The one who won't forget you like your lover did A permanent release, I'll take you to your peaceful slumber The light beyond the tunnel when all hope is lost Cries to my name echo from coast to coast For hearts lay in peaces of my feats I shall not boast I am, I am the one who makes all feel real The bringer of meaning to life from beginning to end The constant reminder that history is built on fallen dreams The one who brought you to your god, yet you are terrified to meet my gaze. I am the reality that haunts your thoughts The unshakeable feeling that all will be lost You fear me though you've yet to see my face I lurk in the shadows outsid...
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what is there that still remains for me?

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Today I woke up sad, I wasn't sure why then I got to thinking. Is it because  It's the start of a new year, people are busy with their new years resolutions, making plans, visualising their dreams, while  I on the other hand am still stuck trying to piece back together shattered dreams, trying desperately to mend broken bonds from the previous year? Or is it because Sometimes I wish I could just disappear, get a new name, a new identity ,in a new country maybe then I'd be able to start fresh and be happy?   I found myself thinking a lot can change in a year, heck a lot can change in a day. In all my life I have never felt so lost, so powerless. I feel like an empty shell.  Let's rewind to 2017, I had a job, a fiance and a decent enough apartment in the city. It wasn't perfect but life was good and I was happy. Things were only going to get better from here, this I believed with every fibre of my being. Planning vacations, looking at houses ...
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